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Fatter, Older

Top Loaf

I got a text from Joe last night reminded me that the Archers of Loaf released a live album semi-recently. That album, Curse of the Loaf, is an excellent listen. In keeping with the theme of "feeding this blog fumes by... Continue Reading →

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Albums by the Dismemberment Plan, Explained

! (1996) - Power without intention or understanding. Power for power's sake. The Dismemberment Plan is Terrified (1997) - Smart, cutting bitterness as a coping mechanism for heartbreak. Emergency & I (1999) - Being lonely, and seeing that loneliness reflected... Continue Reading →

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Culture Thoughts – February 19

Reactions to things I heard / saw / read recently. The Power by Naomi Alderman The central conceit of this Margret Atwood co-signed fiction: Women develop a power that allows them to manipulate electrical currents. It starts in teenagers but... Continue Reading →

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This Valentine’s Day, Why Not Visit Franz Ferdinand’s Horny Disco?

If you have any context for Franz Ferdinand, it is probably as also-ran Strokes rockers. You probably see them as I once saw them, a branch of second-wave would-be rock saviors from the  early aughts. It was not until I... Continue Reading →

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FutureBlogSexWords

Before he was canceled for the dual sins of producing a bad commercial and presiding over a medium-to-boring Super Bowl halftime performance, Justin Timberlake was the center puppet on the cover of No Strings Attached. He was the most obvious... Continue Reading →

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The Coffee is Burning

In one of the many possible realities, there is a hall of records that keeps track of all the literary, narrative-driven music ever written and recorded. In that unlikely museum inhabiting that pocket universe, there is a plaque commemorating the... Continue Reading →

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Old Hotness, New Hotness, February 3

Something good from last decade, something good from this year. Old Hotness: "Lamb and the Lion" by the Mae Shi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Zyb5YidtdM Years later, I still don't know for sure how much of the Mae Shi is worship music and how... Continue Reading →

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A Brief Word on the Super Bowl

The last time the Eagles were in the Super Bowl, I was a freshman in college. I remember watching the game with my roommate James in our dorm room at La Salle. I lived on a college campus and was... Continue Reading →

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Content Nausea

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ajjQ8qp3D0c For the last eight years, across three different companies, my job has been to sit in front of a computer and type things. Each year, this Parquet Courts song more accurately describes the experience of being Very Online. This... Continue Reading →

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Highlights from A Wikipedia Article on a Bear

Salute to Jared. Find your own personal favorite moments. Highlights include: "Robert Redford, Morgan Freeman, John Candy, Dan Aykroyd, Daryl Hannah, Annette Bening, Ethan Hawke, Steven Seagal, Tchéky Karyo, Brad Pitt, Alec Baldwin, Trevor Howard, and Anthony Hopkins all appeared in films opposite Bart." - The phrasing, "appeared in films opposite Bart," is... Continue Reading →

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Old Hotness, New Hotness, January 30, 2018

Something good from last decade, something good from this year. Old Hotness: "Old White Lincoln" by The Gaslight Anthem https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6_bQiIZXC9I I have a long, proud history of obsessing with bands only to completely abandon them a few years later. The... Continue Reading →

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Bus Parenting, Reviewed

The place: The 60 bus, somewhere between Frankford Avenue and Broad Street, Philadelphia. The actors: A small child, estimated age between 7 and 11 A women, late 40s, estimated but not confirmed to be the child's mother Two other small... Continue Reading →

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The Leanover

https://youtu.be/0SL4_DsUlH8   Spotify is a suspect music discovery service, but it did hip me to Life Without Buildings via one of the endless playlists it places in between me and my 10,000th playback of Baroness. Anyway "The Leanover" is the... Continue Reading →

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Moments of Cowardice: Side Mirror

A couple of things come to mind here. Picture a street. Picture parking on that street; Cars, all facing one direction, parked on both sides. A block-wide playground on one side, a bunch of row houses on the other. It... Continue Reading →

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Moments of Cowardice: Elevator Button

A few months back, I was taking the elevator from the first floor of my office building to the third floor, where my desk is. It was late in the afternoon and I do not remember what I was doing... Continue Reading →

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Decade of Deacon

On a whim, I checked out Dan Deacon's Twitter feed and saw that he was playing a show at - of all places - The Philadelphia Museum of Art on Friday, January 26. I immediately pinged my wife about going... Continue Reading →

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My Destroyed Brain, Part 1

When I use the bathroom at work, I involuntarily stick my hand in my pocket to get my phone. Being in front of urinal or sitting on the toilet is like Pavlov's dog's bell. Even if my experience isn't going... Continue Reading →

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10 Years Later, the Kids Still Don’t Stand a Chance

I caught a nasty bit of nostalgia today and created myself a very good Spotify playlist of every Hot Club de Paris song. I refuse to stop listening to it, so I cannot really rank the songs on Vampire Weekend's... Continue Reading →

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How Low Does the Balance on a Gift Card Have to be Before Throwing it Away?

The question, as I see it, is really "how long is one willing to draw out a transaction for minimal savings?" Setting matters. Getting coffee and breakfast from a Dunkin Donuts (or Dunkin Donuts-adjacent establishment) in the morning before work... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Richie Nice’s Almost Like the Movies

Artist: Richie Nice Album: Almost Like the Movies Year: 2017 Bandcamp Writing a song like "Will You Be?," with its chorus of "will you be / will you be my girlfriend," is a tricky enough proposition that many would not... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Slenko & McKeys Atone Lower

Artist: Slenko & McKeys Album: Atone Lower Year: 2017 Bandcamp Speaking for no man but myself, the thing that keeps me coming back to Godspeed! You Black Emperor records is the way that band channels the idea of being crushed... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Castle Black’s Trapped Under All You Know

Artist: Castle Black Album: Trapped Under All You Know Year: 2017 Bandcamp Trapped Under All You Know's best track is "Blind Curtain," a four-and-a-half minute argument that Castle Black could be the dirtbag Sleater-Kinney that I didn't realize I've been... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Overwinter’s Condor

Artist: Overwinter Album: Condor Year: 2017 Bandcamp If there's an easy through-line to point to on Overwinter's Condor it's a preoccupation with trip-hop. Elements of the genre's hallmarks are scattered throughout the record's five songs. It's most obvious in queasy bump... Continue Reading →

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Bad Chain Pizza, Worst to First

Seems like a good time to update this list, apropos of nothing. Papa John's - As if garlic sauce and a jalapeno can mask the truth of this sponge-crust, chunky cheese, pond scum flatbread. Domino's - Being the go-to food... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Kings of Freon

Artist: Kings of Freon Album: See, There's your Problem and Fridge Over Troubled Water Year: 2017 Bandcamp Bandcamp Even in the grand tradition of alternative rock smart-asses,  Kings of Freon are a special, specific kind of goofy. Near as I... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Kewku Collins’s Grey

Artist: Kewku Collins Album: Grey Year: 2017 Soundcloud The obvious argument to make against Grey is that it can't overcome its influences. "Things I know" comes out the gate sounding like a discarded b-side from the second half of Yeezus.... Continue Reading →

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Stranger Things vs Ready Player One

My wife and I saw Blade Runner 2049 last Sunday. A brief review: Having never seen the first one (I know), I thought the sequel was great. This might be because I am too stupid to understand the larger questions... Continue Reading →

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Halloween Costumes, Worst to First

Anything "sexy" Any character from any fiction, comic book, cartoon or movie Ninja Nurse Doctor Ninja Angel Devil One of those inflatable deals where it looks like a person is riding a bull or driving a car or whatever (You... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Kinda Alright’s pretty sweet!

Artist: Kinda Alright Album: pretty sweet! Year: 2017 Bandcamp If you ever get the chance, you should pick up a copy of Cap'n Jazz's Analphabetapolothology re-release on vinyl. Besides being the urtext for an entire movement in modern alternative rock, the... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Welter’s Gold

Artist: Welter Album: Gold Year: 2017 Bandcamp Pop-punk is a solved formula. We've brushed its outer reaches, we've felt its boundaries. This isn't a problem; It's the logical conclusion of exploration. If anything, we should feel good about what we've... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Bike Theifs’ Lean Into It

Artist: Bike Theifs Album: Lean Into It Year: 2017 Bandcamp Exploring the neurosis of economic privilege is something of a cottage industry in 2017, but, goddamn, no one does it quite like the Canadians. Lean Into It sounds like this... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Future and Young Thug’s SUPER SLIMEY

Artist: Future and Young Thug Album: SUPER SLIMEY Year: 2017 There's a pattern to these recent high-profile rap collaborations and SUPER SLIMEY sticks to it. Both Future and Thug are well and truly On One at different points (for Future,... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Beck’s Colors

Artist: Beck Album: Colors Year: 2017 Thou shall not deny Beck his impulse to be funky. Say what you will about how his original ascent has aged like yogurt, about how he has benefited from an industry disconnected from the... Continue Reading →

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Messy Music Forever

Cohesion is overrated. Cornelius' latest record, Mellow Waves, mockingly wags its genitals at the very notion. It's creative and expressive without being schizophrenic or willfully obnoxious. Now, when I say that pretentious-ass music writer-y thing there, I don't mean that Cornelius... Continue Reading →

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“Neon Bible” is Still Underrated, Though

Look, some of this stuff works. The title track may have snagged its ballroom fragility straight from Abba, but that doesn’t make the song any less of an earworm. The “dancing to New Order” vibe on “Creature Comforts” overpowers any... Continue Reading →

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I Thought the Future Would be Cooler

Technological advances, both theoretical and active, that I hope to never engage with, ranked from "least offensive" to "move offensive." Keyless Cars - Here is the only inconvenience of the push-to-start model of car, which I have been brainwashed by... Continue Reading →

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Iron and Wine was Hot in the Streets for A Minute.

Here's what you should do: You should start listening to Sam Amidon's new album, The Following Mountain, as he and the lord intended, at track one. "Fortune" is a nice, beardy folk song in the tradition of Iron and Wine... Continue Reading →

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The Other, OTHER Atlanta Rap Album from Last Week

Big Boi is an underrated weirdo. As much credit as Three Stacks gets for being the artistic half of Atlanta's rap Godfathers, he's not out here doing albums with Phantogram and rapping on Game of Thrones mixtapes. Andre Patton is... Continue Reading →

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Let me explain something / Propane with the flames buzzing

A few weeks back, I discovered that the robots that run my Spotify account had been successfully trained to auto-complete "Diplomats" and not "Diplo" when I typed the letters "D" and "I" into the search bar. This was a coup;... Continue Reading →

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Kono Pizza: Exquisite Nonsense

No reason for it, but I'll take it anyway.

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God in Chicago

I can understand anyone who fell off with Craig Finn around the time The Hold Steady discovered the rock and roll powers of Kenny G, but know this: If you haven't been keeping up with the guy, you've likely missed... Continue Reading →

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Two Things I Like About The Smith Street Band’s “More Scared of You Than You Are of Me”

Death to the lads.

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Minor Sports-Related Injuries, Ranked from Most to Least Desirable

Your body: it hurts!

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Unorganized Thoughts While I Listen to Prince on Spotify

Thinking about Prince.

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Dead Band of the Week: Sisters

Sisters!

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A Better Class of Criminal: Talkin’ About Rap-Rock

I probably liked Papa Roach more than I should have.

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“Mary” by Seller: 20-Year Power Pop

Bring me back to the alt-FM radio days of the 90s.

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On “Wane,” Kinda Alright Finds Hooks Everywhere

Twinkle rock for the actual celestial bodies.

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Onward, To the Past: 12 Sentences on Four Tool Albums

Now I, too, know the pieces fit.

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No Heat, No Beer, No Dad

Cold punk music for cold months.

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Gone on That Dark Vacation

Pound for pound, the best track with mouth sounds for drums ever recorded.

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