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Very Short Review: Richie Nice’s Almost Like the Movies

Artist: Richie Nice Album: Almost Like the Movies Year: 2017 Bandcamp Writing a song like "Will You Be?," with its chorus of "will you be / will you be my girlfriend," is a tricky enough proposition that many would not... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Slenko & McKeys Atone Lower

Artist: Slenko & McKeys Album: Atone Lower Year: 2017 Bandcamp Speaking for no man but myself, the thing that keeps me coming back to Godspeed! You Black Emperor records is the way that band channels the idea of being crushed... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Castle Black’s Trapped Under All You Know

Artist: Castle Black Album: Trapped Under All You Know Year: 2017 Bandcamp Trapped Under All You Know's best track is "Blind Curtain," a four-and-a-half minute argument that Castle Black could be the dirtbag Sleater-Kinney that I didn't realize I've been... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Overwinter’s Condor

Artist: Overwinter Album: Condor Year: 2017 Bandcamp If there's an easy through-line to point to on Overwinter's Condor it's a preoccupation with trip-hop. Elements of the genre's hallmarks are scattered throughout the record's five songs. It's most obvious in queasy bump... Continue Reading →

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Bad Chain Pizza, Worst to First

Seems like a good time to update this list, apropos of nothing. Papa John's - As if garlic sauce and a jalapeno can mask the truth of this sponge-crust, chunky cheese, pond scum flatbread. Domino's - Being the go-to food... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Kings of Freon

Artist: Kings of Freon Album: See, There's your Problem and Fridge Over Troubled Water Year: 2017 Bandcamp Bandcamp Even in the grand tradition of alternative rock smart-asses,  Kings of Freon are a special, specific kind of goofy. Near as I... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Kewku Collins’s Grey

Artist: Kewku Collins Album: Grey Year: 2017 Soundcloud The obvious argument to make against Grey is that it can't overcome its influences. "Things I know" comes out the gate sounding like a discarded b-side from the second half of Yeezus.... Continue Reading →

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Stranger Things vs Ready Player One

My wife and I saw Blade Runner 2049 last Sunday. A brief review: Having never seen the first one (I know), I thought the sequel was great. This might be because I am too stupid to understand the larger questions... Continue Reading →

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Halloween Costumes, Worst to First

Anything "sexy" Any character from any fiction, comic book, cartoon or movie Ninja Nurse Doctor Ninja Angel Devil One of those inflatable deals where it looks like a person is riding a bull or driving a car or whatever (You... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Kinda Alright’s pretty sweet!

Artist: Kinda Alright Album: pretty sweet! Year: 2017 Bandcamp If you ever get the chance, you should pick up a copy of Cap'n Jazz's Analphabetapolothology re-release on vinyl. Besides being the urtext for an entire movement in modern alternative rock, the... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Welter’s Gold

Artist: Welter Album: Gold Year: 2017 Bandcamp Pop-punk is a solved formula. We've brushed its outer reaches, we've felt its boundaries. This isn't a problem; It's the logical conclusion of exploration. If anything, we should feel good about what we've... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Bike Theifs’ Lean Into It

Artist: Bike Theifs Album: Lean Into It Year: 2017 Bandcamp Exploring the neurosis of economic privilege is something of a cottage industry in 2017, but, goddamn, no one does it quite like the Canadians. Lean Into It sounds like this... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Future and Young Thug’s SUPER SLIMEY

Artist: Future and Young Thug Album: SUPER SLIMEY Year: 2017 There's a pattern to these recent high-profile rap collaborations and SUPER SLIMEY sticks to it. Both Future and Thug are well and truly On One at different points (for Future,... Continue Reading →

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Very Short Review: Beck’s Colors

Artist: Beck Album: Colors Year: 2017 Thou shall not deny Beck his impulse to be funky. Say what you will about how his original ascent has aged like yogurt, about how he has benefited from an industry disconnected from the... Continue Reading →

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Messy Music Forever

Cohesion is overrated. Cornelius' latest record, Mellow Waves, mockingly wags its genitals at the very notion. It's creative and expressive without being schizophrenic or willfully obnoxious. Now, when I say that pretentious-ass music writer-y thing there, I don't mean that Cornelius... Continue Reading →

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“Neon Bible” is Still Underrated, Though

Look, some of this stuff works. The title track may have snagged its ballroom fragility straight from Abba, but that doesn’t make the song any less of an earworm. The “dancing to New Order” vibe on “Creature Comforts” overpowers any... Continue Reading →

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I Thought the Future Would be Cooler

Technological advances, both theoretical and active, that I hope to never engage with, ranked from "least offensive" to "move offensive." Keyless Cars - Here is the only inconvenience of the push-to-start model of car, which I have been brainwashed by... Continue Reading →

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Iron and Wine was Hot in the Streets for A Minute.

Here's what you should do: You should start listening to Sam Amidon's new album, The Following Mountain, as he and the lord intended, at track one. "Fortune" is a nice, beardy folk song in the tradition of Iron and Wine... Continue Reading →

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The Other, OTHER Atlanta Rap Album from Last Week

Big Boi is an underrated weirdo. As much credit as Three Stacks gets for being the artistic half of Atlanta's rap Godfathers, he's not out here doing albums with Phantogram and rapping on Game of Thrones mixtapes. Andre Patton is... Continue Reading →

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Let me explain something / Propane with the flames buzzing

A few weeks back, I discovered that the robots that run my Spotify account had been successfully trained to auto-complete "Diplomats" and not "Diplo" when I typed the letters "D" and "I" into the search bar. This was a coup;... Continue Reading →

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Kono Pizza: Exquisite Nonsense

No reason for it, but I'll take it anyway.

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God in Chicago

I can understand anyone who fell off with Craig Finn around the time The Hold Steady discovered the rock and roll powers of Kenny G, but know this: If you haven't been keeping up with the guy, you've likely missed... Continue Reading →

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Two Things I Like About The Smith Street Band’s “More Scared of You Than You Are of Me”

Death to the lads.

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Minor Sports-Related Injuries, Ranked from Most to Least Desirable

Your body: it hurts!

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Unorganized Thoughts While I Listen to Prince on Spotify

Thinking about Prince.

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Dead Band of the Week: Sisters

Sisters!

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A Better Class of Criminal: Talkin’ About Rap-Rock

I probably liked Papa Roach more than I should have.

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“Mary” by Seller: 20-Year Power Pop

Bring me back to the alt-FM radio days of the 90s.

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On “Wane,” Kinda Alright Finds Hooks Everywhere

Twinkle rock for the actual celestial bodies.

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Onward, To the Past: 12 Sentences on Four Tool Albums

Now I, too, know the pieces fit.

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No Heat, No Beer, No Dad

Cold punk music for cold months.

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An Argument with Myself About Indie Pop Prom

Do the things you like / don't do the things you like.

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Worst to First: Hold Steady Albums

2,000 kids still feel pretty sweet tonight.

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Snail Mail – Habit

Bad camp movies - "Linger" - Middle-school kissing - Baltimore music for hormones

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Horrible Tattoo Ideas I Have Had

The tattoo you don't have is more important than the one you do.

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Fatter Older’s Favorite Albums of the Year, 15-1

Of the 43 albums that were released this year, these are the 15 that I felt like writing about.

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Fatter Older’s Favorite Albums of the Year, 30-16

Most music is fine. These 15 are better than fine. Good, even.

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Best Concerts, 2016

Dispatches from shows you did not attend and that I only sparsely remember.

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2016’s Biggest Misses

All the shit I should have listened to this year but didn't.

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Re-Ranking 2015’s Best Albums

Looking back on last year's mistakes before making this year's mistakes.

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Day One

Don't forget this.

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Songs on Pinkerton, Ranked

The father of all our styles gets its due.

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Tiny Rainbows and the Paths Not Taken

Philly youths make emotional screaming sound new again.

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Terror

Don't be afraid.

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Outside Exercises, Ranked in Order of Dickisness

Getting ticks the healthy way!

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AJJ’s Compassionate Devil Music

You should probably listen to the Devil's music.

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Beach Slang Covering Japandroids is My Whole Aesthetic Collapsing in on Itself

I don't know if I'm being trolled or what. There is no greater "I am an aging youth rocker" clarion call than this right here. https://soundcloud.com/polyvinyl-records/beach-slang-younger-us-japandroids-1

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The Five Best Pieces of Information from The A.V. Club’s Bear vs Shark Interview

"BLEEEEEEHHH!" - Most Bear vs Shark songs.

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R.I.P: The Holy Mess

Would-be champions lay it down.

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Names the Strip Club Near My House Has Had at One Time or Another, Ranked

Keep it up, grimy Fishtown.

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