Our mascot blows.

Last week, La Salle University was a school best known for producing ancient basketball player Tom Gola, being home to its share of somewhat unseemly sex scandals, not having a football team, getting a one-off joke in Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia and being the alma mater of Nate Adams / Joe Gilson’s grandfather.

This week, however, La Salle Universtiy’s Mens Basketball team, the Explorers (seriously, our team is called “The Explorers”) beat two nationally-ranked teams, Butler and VCU, in what were completely legitimate basketball games.

It bares mentioning at this point that the best thing La Salle’s basketball team ever did when I was at the school was allow me to steal a pair of their shorts from the school gym.

Now, there are a lot of reasons for the team’s success. Some might credit the recruiting of head coach Dr. John Giannini, the school’s highest-paid employee. Some might say the exemplary play of the team’s speedy guards gives them favorable matchups against other teams. Some might credit the team’s inside-out style of play, which allows the team to have an inside game despite this guy being their starting center most nights.

However, you didn’t come here for basketball talk. You want to know the real reason why La Salle’s basketball team is doing so well? It’s because the team’s 6th man, Tyrone Garland, looks like Chief Keef.

These bitches love Sosa.
Oh and I know it.

Now, I will admit that their likeness is mostly (read: almost completely) because they share the same hair cut. That said, you can tell that opposing players are giving Garland some space because they are afraid that he’ll impregnate their middle-school sisters.

Fight on, Tyrone Sosa. Fight on, Explorers.