Couldn’t look better if you tried, dude from the Holy Mess.

Ain’t got no job? Screw it, here’s a bunch of stuff to do on the cheap this weekend in Philadelphia.

Friday:

It’s First Friday, so you could go do that. If it were me, I’d check out which galleries are offering free wine and make it my goal to get speed-shitfaced on the cheap cheap, but you might see some art or whatever, too.

Go Bowling. I went bowling with some friends of mine a few weeks ago and, holy mackerel, I totally forgot how much fun bowling can be, especially if you’re buying beers for 60 cents a piece. Westbrook Lanes in South NJ has a two-hour, all-you-can-bowl deal for $15 (shoes included) every Friday. If that’s too rich for your blood, the bar serves 60 cent beers during happy hour, so you can get there early, drop a fin on the bar and get served what is, in essence, a six-pack.

Saturday:

Rock The Fuck Out. Boot and Saddle has a killer show on Saturday, featuring two Philly punk bands recently bumped by Noisey. If you don’t fuck with Restorations at this point, I really don’t know what your problem is. The Holy Mess’s recent album wasn’t a knockout, but the band’s got so many back catelog hits that shit’s gonna be cool. Dogs on Acid are what rose from the Ashes of Algernon Cadwallader. Seems like a can’t miss setup to me.

Sunday:

The Car Show is here, but that shit costs, like $25, so skip that.

Go to the Piazza and Watch Basketball. This is conditional, since there is no guarentee that the giant squid that runs the Piazza TV will be showing basketball games. If not, go sit on a bench and watch the tumbleweeds blow around because the Piazza is a crypt. That said, if basketball IS on, that Knicks  / Thunder game at 1 p.m. will be pretty good.

Make Some Valentines. You’re either A) some kind of artistic, creative sunflower who needs validation or B) a mouth-breather like me who can’t glue stick two pieces of construction paper together, but either way, if someone is goodly enough to let you grunt and sweat on / below them, you ought to show your appreciation.

The Fleisher has a Valentine’s making thing happening on Sunday. $10 to go in the afternoon and look like a dipshit in front of kids, $20 to go at night and get a few glasses of wine and confess to the handsome stranger next to you that you aren’t really seeing anyone and that this valentine is actually for them and OH MY GOD I DON’T WANT TO DIE ALONE.

*****

UNEMPLOYMENT SONG OF THE WEEKEND: This weekend’s official jam for those without jobs is Acheron River by the Lawrence Arms.

I haven’t spent a ton of time with the new Larry Arms album (first one in, like, eight years), but this is an early standout. Go buy Metropole if you can afford it.

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