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By Jared Adams, Head Television Writer

9 ) Monica Hall

In her moving expression of dedication and loyalty to Richard and company, Monica demonstrated a self-sacrificial spirit that is all but lacking in today’s soulless cutthroat corporate world. As Jared pointed out, she is now a brave bison that attacked the lion and will now be devoured. However, his premonition will not be entirely true, as it appears the rest of the bison herd has escaped. The same may not be true for Monica, as she is for the first time ever in a precarious position.

8) “Action” Jack Barker

Barker is out of the Silicon Valley game for now, but his considerable wealth and influence can never let him see the bottom. While his reemergence next week is unlikely, he will surely be back in the future, which reminds me…

ACTION JACK’S GIFT HORSE BUTTFUCK RISK LEVEL:

Currently set firmly at PUSH-POP.

7) Denpok

The Varys/Littlefinger of Silicon Valley’s world made an incredible recovery this week. After being sequestered in Lot D the D used his zen master methods of influence to re-enter Gavin’s inner circle. Denpok would never take that sitting down. He isn’t sitting this spring.

6) Gavin Belson

OH Y’ALL THOUGHT YOU WASN’T GONNA SEE ME!??!?

Gavin’s move may have ultimately aided his mortal enemies, but he’s back in fighting form on this data compression showdown after conceding defeat for the entire season thus far. Using the hideousness of a bulldog to illustrate where they went wrong, he’s got Hooli back in the game thanks to his acquisition of…

5) Jason and Naveen

These two scheming scheisters have ridden Pied Piper’s coattails in and out of the game since day one. After being canned, they’re back inside Gavin’s Empire and front and center at the proceedings. Even if he doesn’t remember them.

4) Big Head

If we were speaking purely in spiritual terms, Big Head would be at the top of this list. He remains the most fulfilled and at peace of the gang and would still feel that way if he had even a small fraction of his current power. His recent alliance with Erlich is sure to accrue him even more wealth that he doesn’t really care about but surely won’t turn down.

3) The Pied Fiver

Our main players are in the best place they’ve been in the entire season. With their power move successful and Action Jack out of the picture, Richard returns his CTO status, the box is dead and they are clear to develop the platform.

2) Laurie Bream

The empress of this shit. Laurie is a principled yet reasonable unstoppable force and an indispensable asset to Pied Piper’s ascendance. If the Pied Fiver can work within her profit motive mindset, the platform can be worth 1000 x what the box was worth, as Monica and Richard suspect.

and #1 in this week’s power rankings naturally goes to:

1) The Chair

NOT MENTIONED in this week’s rankings!

Jian Yang!

Carla!

Jan the Man!

Gary Irving, Hooli HR

Pete Monahan!

Ron LaFlamme!

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