I’m getting married in less than a month. My fiance and I are cutting every conceivable corner to save money, AKA having wedding in which friends and family members are being aggressively leaned on to provide free labor and services. People have been very rad about this intrusion; everyone is quick to offer (and follow through) to pitchin’ on the party. Chief among those offering their services are two friends who graciously offered to play live music during our ceremony.

We’ve picked, and they’ve practiced, the song that my fiance is going to walk down the aisle to. These are the songs we considered and why they were rejected.

“I Found You” by the Alabama Shakes

Why it is a good wedding song: Lyrically on-theme, not too overly romantic, nice to have some goddamn rock music at a wedding.

Why we passed on it: Seems unfair to ask someone to try and sing like Brittany Howard, takes a little too long to get going and this won’t be all that long a ceremony to begin with, my side of the family might mistake the playing of rock music as a sign to start drankin‘.

“I’ll Believe in Anything” by Wolf Parade

Why it is a good wedding song: My favorite kind of romance, at least as it appears in pop culture, is the desperate kind. There is no love as true as the one that is willing to lie or deceive. I’m on some Lannister shit, apparently.

Why we passed on it: It’s a little too arty, hard to recreate with the stripped-down arrangement we’re looking for, I’ve leaned on this particular song enough already in my life. 

“I’m Always in Love” by Wilco

Why it is a good wedding song: It’s upbeat, which is unusual for the kinds of songs people usually use for this kind of thing, all Wilco songs sound good ripped down to their bones, will appeal to the section of our wedding guests who like IPAs and being in bed by 9:30 p.m.

Why we passed on it: Lyrics like “I’m worried / I’m always in love” are too open to interpretation, subtle themes of infidelity that young lovers usually try to wait until year five to explore.

“Into Your Arms” by The Lemonheads

Why it is a good wedding song: It’s about hugs!

Why we passed on it: In the words of my fiance, “this sounds like it was on the soundtrack to every movie I liked from the 90s in college,” which is harsh but fair.

“This Will Be Our Year” by The Zombies

Why it is a good wedding song: I totally forgot this was on our list and did not know what this song sounded like until I started playing it just now. This is a very nice song!

Why we passed on it: Probably because it says “little one” in it, which is not the message we’re trying to send to each other, no one is that good at piano in our collective lives.

“My Little Corner of the World” by Yo La Tengo

Why it is a good wedding song: It isn’t over-the-top about love, Yo La Tengo is a great band, it’s easy enough to recreate.

Why we passed on it: We like the song we picked better, we don’t want random people in sweaters wandering over to our wedding uninvited.

“The Other Side of Mt. Heart Attack” by Liars

Why it is a good wedding song: “I can always be found” is as good a wedding vow as anything else, it is the only song Liars have ever made that might appeal to someone who isn’t consumed with violence / deeply invested in Harry Potter-themed art.

Why we passed on it: We don’t want to have a #weird wedding, my affection for this song comes strongly in connection to a drug experience in college, which is not ideal for a wedding.

“I Do” by Young Jeezy, “International Player’s Anthem” by UGK and Outkast

Why these are good wedding songs: They’re both expressly about getting married.

Why we passed on them: We stink.