Beware the Night Shower

Here’s a bad take that I wholeheartedly believe: unless you’ve worked up a sweat, there is no need to take a shower after 2 p.m. You have missed the window, better luck next time, enjoy your weird sheets tonight.

It’s not like I’ve never taken a night shower. When I worked in restaurants, a night shower was a must-have lest I go to sleep and wake up smelling like floor and corned beef. When I was a moron post-teen who “got ready to go out” and “pregamed” and all the other shit desperate no-longer-children get up to before they go out and drink grain alcohol, I was no stranger to an 8 p.m. beer and shower combo.

But the truth is that shower beers are overrated (wasteful of water, too much wet chugging in florescent lights), going out is for young people in the Before time, and taking a shower at night is a waste.

The core of this take, I think, comes from the idea that I am never fully dry after a shower until I put my clothes on and get about my day. Save your breath, I’m not throwing on my clothes onto my sopping wet body right out of the bath, but if you’re telling me that you can get COMPLETELY dry with just one towel / without laying around and air-drying like a busty lady in an old timey painting, you’re a fuckin liar. Your khakis do at least 30% of the job, search your heart and know it to be true.

So, for this reason, the night shower must be rejected. What are you going to do, soak a second pair of clothes? Go to be slightly damp? These are the moves of fools. Save your filth for the morning shower.

Quick aside: I’m still working through my thoughts on Sincere Engineer’s new album, but I do get a heavy whiff of “I’m not like other girls” from this thing. At the same time, it feels like a welcome corrective to the “sad girl” indie-rock movement of the last four years. So I don’t know yet. Thanks to Bless my Psyche for soundtracking this blog. Not going to proofread it, so if you spot the typos, you win!

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