Why Is There Always a Police Siren in the Background?

I assure you that I used to have some edge, I used to be punk rock. However, those days are behind me, effective today, as today was the day I thought “Oh, I should grab my New Yorker tote” before I headed over to the food co-op to get finishing salt.

And after that? Well, I grabbed my New Yorker tote, went to the co-op, and bought some finishing salt. Horrible. This is how people become republicans.